They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
