i just wanna soil my oats bro
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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