Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's just like the Real World with babies
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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