That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I deserve this hangover.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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