good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
