So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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