I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
