You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize