Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize