A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
