I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love having hate sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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