Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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