I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
