Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
