Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
