I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
