and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
