those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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