It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
