dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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