That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
