I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize