My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
dude. I can hear the air.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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