Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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