Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
plz talk dirty to me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize