i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
