I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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