no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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