Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
