Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
