Life is so much better after having sex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
