How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize