is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
