I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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