Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
