oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
