You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
