I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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