Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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