just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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