I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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