I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
