The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize