You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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