3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
