I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
