Where are you?
In a non slutty way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
