Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize