U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
