I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
