Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
