you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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