In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
