I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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