Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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