You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
