I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
