Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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