Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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