NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize