Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
