can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
