Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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