We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
