It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
that is very illegal...i love you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
