I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
