i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
