need another drink. this is the easiest way
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm getting married
To pizza
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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