You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
