hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
